To be perfectly honest, I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for a year. But as Ferris Bueller once stated, “Life comes at you fast.”
My father passed away almost 6 weeks ago. I couldn’t tell you the last thing I said directly to him. The last thing he heard me say was “Love y’all.” My dad was becoming increasingly angry as time progressed and we haven’t had a great relationship since the 80s. We would get along every now and a then, but never on a consistent basis.
When my father went to live in a nursing home, I went twice for care meetings. Both times, he decided to throw pity parties. Because I was working third shift at the time with youngins at my house, I didn’t have a great deal of time during visiting hours. Mainly, because I didn’t want to be around the constant negativity. My brother even tried to use the guilt trip angle on me. *Tip – Don’t try it. I’ll dig my heels in.*
Even when I heard that he got sick and was going on Hospice, I told myself I’d go Friday or Saturday to see him. Newsflash: I didn’t. Friday, I had the kids after school. Saturday morning, I slept. I just had surgery recently and was recovering. So in short, I didn’t see or talk to my father in about 18 months.
Why am I writing this, you may ask. Simple, my dad rarely reached out to me. I had to reach out to him. The scarce times he did call me, it was never to chat, it was to ask me to get a gift for my mother. He would pay for it. He wanted a relationship with me without doing any heavy lifting.
Basically, I’m writing this as a warning. If you want people in your life, you have to reach out occasionally. It doesn’t have to be anything huge, just a hi & thinking of you. My mother told me while I was growing up that the phone works both ways. I carry that thought into all my relationships. To be honest, I’m not always the best at this. Life gets hectic at times, but make time for your people.
Last thought/take away: Be present in your friends’ & family’s lives if want to have any kind of connection with them.
Made Dames 